My Story

My name is Kate…I am 24, live in MN and I write for peace.

For years, writing has been my catharsis…it has sustained me when I felt the most abandoned, betrayed, terrified, lonely, isolated, depressed and emotional. My journals stand as testaments to what I have survived and surmounted through the past few years as well as mark the journey I have been on to finding my voice.

I hope to do this for myself so I can share my thoughts, discoveries, and feelings about love, life, food, health, beauty and the road to recovery. I am recovering from ED and it has been a long and arduous road, and one I have not been able to speak about freely till the last year or so. While I hope to be honest here, I won’t always post everything I eat in a day or what I did for a while (till I feel more secure in my recovery) but that is what I aim to work up to eventually.

It began years ago when I was in figure skating and dance and there was always a ton of pressure to be thin and have the “correct body” that the sports required. I am petite but I bulked up in muscle and wanted to look like the tall wispy girls my coach and trainer pointed out…so I stopped eating. It was easy because I became a true vegetarian (lacto-ovo) quite young and my parents are hard-core meat eaters so I had an excuse for not eating at every dinner. They thought I lost weight because I was so active and only ate salads and veggies in front of them…but I didn’t stop losing weight.

It got worse in high school and college, where I felt lonely and depressed. I was the only Asian kid in my lily white high school and found a lot of racism pointed my way so the best defense was being the thinnest, the smartest, the most involved in all the right school activities. At college, I had too much freedom to work out too much and eat too little…thus the spiral tightened. After a few years of fooling everyone about the Mia part of the equation, Ana popped her head into the situation after the death of someone close…and the world spiraled out of control. I lost too much weight…everything hung off me, my hair fell out, my skin turned waxy, my heart began to skip beats and my chest hurt a lot when I worked out and I fainted more than once…but I was happy…or so I thought as I watched my bones jut further and further out of my skin. I fell in love watching those bones poke their way into visibility…until one day when I saw how sick I was and decided I needed help.

laughter can cure all that ails you...

Two of my best guy friends had an intervention and offered to help me. When I moved in with eight fabulous guy roommates who loved and fed me, took a year and a half off school and got some professional help, the world started to make a little more sense. I started seeing how sick I had been and decided that no matter how hard it was, I wanted to stop dying and start living. I got in more therapy, learned what I should be eating and how much and started the long journey. I am in the process of recovery (as I will be the rest of my life) and I am trying to live…one bite at a time.

Thank you for reading and coming on this journey with me!

step by step, I'll find my way...

2 responses

17 11 2009
Glenn Simmons

I was searching for good life blogs and founds yours. I really like it, and I think your type of blog is what is needed out there. People sharing, exploring life and questions. I look forward to adding you to my blog roll and reading more of your posts. I’d like it if you give mine a look and please feel free to comment. I am really hoping to get it more interactive because that’s really where I learn, from others thoughts. Mine is http://www.glennsimmons.wordpress.com

Peace, Glenn

15 03 2011
simplyshaka

I just saw Dolce Dior on CNC and love your pup (mine is 1/2 chihuahua)–absolutely adorable!!!

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