With and Without You

6 03 2012

I changed my life after my breakup. Many things were too painful to continue to do since they reminded me of my relationship and I found it easier to create new habits and enjoy new activities rather than try to do the same things I used to do with D all by myself.

Things I Have Avoided Since the Breakup:

-Dave Matthews Band and Red Hot Chili Peppers (our bands)

-Going to the movies

-Cooking

-Sleeping on one side of the bed (I now try to sleep in the middle so I don’t feel as alone)

-Photo Albums (buried mine and don’t look at them since almost every picture has D)

-Christmas (my once fav holiday was spent on the beach in Islamorada bawling my eyes out)

-Dolce (it hurts too much to see her and remember that the three of us made a family)

-Indian Lake (the place that we had “our rock” and where I got my first “I love you”)

-Clothes, jewelry and presents he gave me

-Weddings (I skipped a good friend’s wedding because it hurt too much to go to a wedding when I had just given up on the man I thought I was going to marry)

 

Things I Have Started Enjoying (Again) Since the Breakup

-Free Time (I don’t feel guilty for reading or writing blogs, reading in bed, watching movies late at night, doing my nails, practicing yoga or spending time on me rather than my relationship)

-Flirting

-Remembering that I am worthy of being loved, remembering that I am beautiful, remembering that I am special (I feel like I lost this when I started seeing myself through his eyes rather than the way the rest of the world sees me…when he stopped liking what he saw through his eyes I started disliking myself as well)

-Foster the People, M83, Lana Del Rey (and tons of other music that he would have hated)

-Sleeping in the middle of my bed with tons of books, clothes, makeup and jewelry strewn all over since I DON’T HAVE TO SHARE IT WITH ANYONE

-Eating yogurt and drinking wine for dinner…and not feeling bad about not cooking a proper dinner

-Making new friends

-Buying new (and smaller) clothes that make me feel strong, beautiful and seksi

-Working…a lot…like all the time…and not feeling guilty because I don’t have someone to get home to at the end of the day

-Traveling (Islamorada, FL – Spokane, WA – Manchester, TN are all places I have been or places I will visit this year)

-Celebrating the people in my life that supported, loved and helped me grow into myself since I lost the man who gave me an identity for so many years

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