Rant on Ice/Snow

21 02 2011

I accept the fact that the people that adopted me chose to live in the Midwest and as a “native adoptee” to Minnesota The Land of Eternal Snow and Ice I have come to a certain resignation for 5-6 months out of the year when the state is covered in a veneer of ice and snow. I accept that the snow is inevitable and I even find myself capable to muster up a modicum of admiration for the beauty of a world transformed by fresh fallen snow, but ice is a different story.

I can accept that snow falls prettily and lands in heaps that render me incapable of wearing 5” heels to work, wear flats without socks, or sleep in that extra half hour because I am outside scraping the damn car off…but snow can most often be dealt with by purchasing a cute pair of boots, a beret and some arm warmers. I can usually sweep the snow off my car with the extra long snow scraper that D gave to me from his own car that I bought…I can deal with snow. Not my favorite, but manageable. I can drive, walk, drink, wear semi-appropriate clothing and survive in it (thanks to Daddy and Future Daddy in Law and their never ending reminders to keep boots, shovels, extra clothes and a full tank of gas in the car at all times) but it doesn’t mean I have to like it.

Well, this weekend has been one of those weekends. The ones where even us hardcore Midwesterners are batting down the hatches and cursing the snow god who must have taken one too many hits off the hookah and is letting loose all hell on our area. There have been interchanging layers of snow and ice for the last 2 days and whenever the precipitation stops long enough, D’s family goes racing outside with shovels and ice picks to scrape off every flat surface. I foolishly thought it would be a good idea to try to assist in this venture…resulting in an asthma attack and me lying in bed wheezing for a good 30 minutes (is my life a joke or what?). I know better than to mess with shoveling snow in any capacity because bad things happen when someone hands me a shovel.

But that isn’t even where my day began because the shoveling took place at 11am but my day began at 5:30 when I got up for work. I looked outside and braced myself for the cold, blowing snow and the ice *damn ice* before bundling up and dragging my two bags, water bottle and assorted items to the car (which conveniently contained my boots which were NOT in the house where they would have done some good). D came to my rescue with chipping ice off the car and pushed the car up the hill because it couldn’t get traction with the ice…and I was off. I gingerly slipped and slid a few blocks on my way to work before realizing the interstate was closed, it was President’s Day so almost all businesses and schools were closed and it was pitch black. It seemed like one of those post apocalyptic movies where everyone is dead and you are the last person left in the world. I booked it home only to get stuck in what appeared to be the same glacier that sunk the Titanic in the middle of the mother f-ing street…so I tried to get unstuck by rocking the car, crying, cursing and calling D to come shovel me out. He did and a nice guy pushed me out so the crying abated but then on the way home when D was driving and the passenger door flew open…and I almost flew out of the car. I freaked out (obvs) and D mentioned that the latch prolly froze open and I should just “hold the door shut til we get home”….whhhhhhat? So I clutched that door with a death grip until we got home…but that was not something I wanted to face at 7am.

In addition to that, I kept trying to call into the office but discovered that there was no one there to open the office, turn on the phones and take my call that I was not going back outside for the rest of the day. Eventually I got through and left word but it was only 7:15am and I was beat…so I went back to bed. Seriously, my life is a freaking joke 🙂

I know this might seem melodramatic but I consider myself pretty hardcore…I can make my way out in 24” of snow (last Christmas in SuFu it snowed 19” the weekend of Christmas) and deal with 40 degrees below zero weather (a few weeks ago) but ice is another story. Put an ice coating on everything and see my break down, get stuck, cry and refuse to leave the house because homegirl does not enjoy slipping and practically breaking her G D neck. I am Asian, and we are not an ice people. The only place I want to see ice is in the martini shaker you are using to make me a stiff drink…and that’s final.

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