10 Ways to Ruin Your Boyfriend’s Birthday

18 11 2010

1.) Send him to Toys R Us with $70 the week before his birthday with instructions to “buy Call of Duty Black Ops” and then refuse to wrap it before handing it to him and saying “Surprise!”

2.) Wake him up at 7:20am on his day off to drive you to work because your car is still at the failure of a transmission shop (that seems all too typical out here in South Dakota).

3.) Spend the day texting him with all of the errands that you have conveniently remembered for him to accomplish on said day off when he is supposed to be enjoying his birthday.

4.) Make him pick you up from work because your car is obviously still at the car shop with the text “Bring my grey heels…the ones with the buttons” because you forgot to bring dress heels for your birthday dinner out.

5.) Be too tired and sick when he picks you up from work to manage a dinner date and end up going home and buying him a pizza from Pizza Hut (which he requested with 1/2 jalapenos but which was delivered with significantly more than 1/2 so he burns his birthday taste buds off).

6.) Forget to bake/buy him any sort of birthday dessert (cupcakes, cake, ice cream, etc.) that you can stick a candle (or 26) in for him to blow out and make a wish upon.

7.) Hand him a box of chocolate cake mix and say “Happy Birthday, I got your favorite flavor” only to realize that he doesn’t like chocolate cake…you do.

8.) Call your stepmom and then spend 1.5 hours crying because of assorted family emergencies/crises, annual holiday breakdowns and a general loneliness because you live in South Dakota and that makes you sad.

9.) Have “Mother Nature” visiting so there will be no birthday happy ending for him because you are SERIOUSLY not in the mood.

10.) Ask him last minute if he wants to go to the midnight showing of Harry Potter because two more showings were added at the nearest theater and you haven’t ruined his birthday enough, apparently, and you need to make him sit through a movie filled with magic and Muggles.

 

NOTE: I acknowledge that I epic failed on this birthday and I am giving him an IOU to atone for the sins committed against him…and we are not attending Harry Potter, his mom and sister bought him a giant cheesecake sampler out of pity (and disdain for my general lack of know how in the kitchen) and I will be allowing him unlimited Call of Duty time this weekend.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, D! LOVE YOU!!!

Maybe next year I will get it right….maybe.

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