God Give Me Peace

11 06 2010

…to accept all this crap going on in my life that I cannot control.


I am still feeling really displaced and lost. That is part of the reason why I have not been blogging lately…I just need time to figure things out and I have been so drained emotionally, mentally and physically that writing is the last thing I want to do at the end of my day. Sometimes it just takes a little time to put the pieces together in a way that speaks to the soul…so that is what I have been doing. I have been taking the misshapen pieces of my life post college and trying to find a shape that I like…pushing a little piece here or there, adjusting the colors and trying to figure out what the big picture is supposed to be. I feel like I have been putting together a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle without the box to tell me what it is supposed to look like.

I have been making small changes. Drinking more water, working out (cardio and strength training) and eating cleaner have been some of the most noticeable changes which have me feeling a little better health-wise. Gotta love that “I worked out really hard” feeling that lasts a few days to remind you that you succeeded at a goal…

Reading more and watching less Netflix so I can reclaim my love of books. After graduation I was so burnt out on reading from being in English classes that revolved primarily on speed-reading through books, analyzing them and spitting out literary criticism that I needed to detox, read junky books that didn’t require much in the way of brain power (Nigel Slater’s Eating for England, Paul Bibeau’s Sundays with Vlad, Stephenie Meyer’s The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner, Joyce Carol Oates’ We Were the Mulvaneys, Nabokov’s Lolita) to revive that love of books. I kept going to the library and taking out books but I have not been tearing through them…just reading on work breaks and a little at the end of the day.

Switching from black nail polish to white, matte yellow and nude…hoping that lighter nail colors will reflect a lighter emotional aura for me. I have been wearing matte black polish for like three or four years and I knew it was time for a change. The nude shows less chips, sets off my tan and looks more professional in the office setting…and it goes with everything 🙂

Indulging in shoes…having to wear closed toe shoes at work means that I have finally been buying and wearing flats (love how cute the styles for summer are and how comfy the shoes feel…seriously makes me rethink wearing 4” heels with everything….maybe). American Eagle for Payless has some cute shoes that have ruffles, canvas, nautical themed, safari themed and stripes (all of which are great trends I adore right now) in cool colors. I got a grey pair with the fabric knotted over the toes, a black pair with a black flower on the toes, a yellow and white striped pair with flower on the toes, denim/canvas/colorful plaid nautical boaters, lavender ruffled flats…adore!

I also got 2 peridot rings for under $15 together that reminded me of how much I love the bright summery green of my birthstone…I always wished I had a prettier stone for my birth stone (like sparkly amethyst, deep sapphires or emeralds or sophisticated ruby) but I am coming to terms with peridot and admiring it now as I get older.

Just downloaded the Almost Alice and Eclipse soundtracks and adore the sounds for each. In love with the sounds on Alice in Wonderland’s soundtrack because they’re so playful and they chose great bands like Motion City Soundtrack, Kerli, Tokio Hotel, All American Rejects, etc. The Twilight Sage: Eclipse soundtrack is amazing…adore Florence and the Machine, the Bravery, Muse, Vampire Weekend. Those downloads have been making work much more enjoyable.

Work has been going by quickly…I am working on many varied projects and enjoying the change of pace…and it demonstrates that the management team are trusting me with more and more tasks…holding my breath that I get offered a permanent ft position at the end of June when they are bringing the temps on as perms…cross your fingers for me!

Excited for tomorrow to see the crew and celebrate Stun Gun’s engagement and birthday…exciting news all around and plenty to talk about.

Going to watch Elizabeth: The Golden Age and chug ice water tonight…feeling dehydrated and drained from an emotional week (I am PMSing hardcore and that has made me a *joy* to be around cough cough). The thunderstorm that kept me up for an hour with lightning, thunder, horizontal rain and giant wind gusts didn’t help the situation either since I have been on the verge of tears from stress and tiredness all day…hope you all have a great weekend!

What would you like to see more of on this blog?

What are your plans for the weekend?




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