I Wont Cry Over Anything

31 03 2010

Those are lyrics from one of my favorite songs by Blue October (HRSA) and I found them so fitting in my current situation. I have been struggling to get in the groove of things at the new job but I am just not in love with it like I feel I should be in love with a job after all the years and effort I put into my college education. I want to be passionate about what I am doing for school and finding out that I am not happy after college has been a let down since there was a tiny part of me that thought that I would be really happy after graduation. My stepmom has been telling me that she wasn’t happy with her job when she was my age either and my dad contributed by saying that he doesn’t know anyone who loves their job at 25.

Does this mean that I need to give up on having a job that makes me really happy, though? I don’t think so. I mean, I didn’t work through college to do a job that makes me miserable, right? I am significantly happier at this job than the other one I got right after graduation (the one where I cried every day, the one that brought my ulcer back and the one that left me with headaches and fear of a ringing phone), but I am still not feeling like this is what I want to do with my life.

I want to write. I want to edit. I want to do freelance proofreading if nothing else. I would rather go back to school to make the changes I need so I can do what I want to with my life but that seems like it’s just another step. What am I supposed to do with my BA in English Literature? I want to find a job that makes me passionate and excited and fulfilled. I want to go to work and know that I am doing something that acknowledges my skills and accomplishments and what I do best (I’m not even sure what that is right now beyond writing great literary analysis).

I’m not going to mope around over this though. I promised myself to be proactive, search for jobs and work hard to make sure that I am doing what I need to get to the next step.




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