Counting Sheep

28 10 2009

One of the things that I hate the most about long distance is sleeping alone. I spent many years spending almost every night with my boyfriend, D, and I hate that he is in another state right now sleeping without me. I miss the security of having someone else sleeping, breathing, dreaming next to me. All of the things that bugged me when we slept together fade away when I compare them to the joy and safety I experience when I have the man I love lying in bed next to me. I miss him kicking around, hogging the covers, pushing all the pillows off the bed and hitting snooze on his phone over and over in the morning. I miss the way he falls asleep with his arms around me, his face snuggled into the crook of my neck. I miss the way he used to wake me up every single morning with 100 kisses on my shoulders and back…the 100th kiss ending with a whispered “I love you” in my ear. I miss waking up and having someone else there when I had a nightmare or just need to know I am not alone in the world. I miss him.

One of the bummers of sleeping alone is the insomnia I get when I am alone…I have struggled with sleep for years. I get in a rut when I cannot sleep and I end up with insomnia where I am up all night, catching some sleep when the sky starts to lighten and I go around in this weird cycle of being awake all night and then asleep part of the day…it’s strange but really hard to break. I used to have trouble falling asleep but D helped fix that when he would rub my shoulders til I drifted off, training my body to fall asleep and relax at a normal hour. My sleep patterns became more normal at that point…but after more than a year and a half of long distance, sleeping alone and getting in weird sleep habits, I am awake til 4am most nights. This is driving me nuts…I need to count more sheep…




One response

28 10 2009
Ms. A. Topp.

I definitely understand this feeling! Being newly single definitely makes this even worse. Thankfully, I’m so busy that I usually can fall asleep but those sleepless nights where you are up until 4am tossing and turning wishing that person was there is the worst! I hope you were able to get some sleep!

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