Heartbreak Hotel

10 09 2009

I find myself needing to write…today was a tough day. I will write sparingly because I am struggling with what happened today and I don’t want to make more drama because I don’t believe it will help anything.

Basically…someone wrote something pretty hurtful and rude on facebook directed at me and I was hurt. I really admire this person and have always considered us friends so I was appalled when I read the message to think that such attitude and sentiment could be directed at myself. I don’t think I deserved it and it initially broke my heart, then angered me, then broke my heart. I spent the day twisting between these two emotions, interspersed with confusion. It makes me distrustful of this person and I don’t want that to happen at all because I really liked the person in question but don’t know how to be friends with someone who makes me cry an entire day.

Feeling better after venting that…the incident did show me who my friends are since the three people who did know about what happened were very supportive. Doom, Chili Pepper and Dizzle were all super supportive and sweet to me…Dizzle even drove to my house and gave me a long pep talk and some laughs before she went home. Friends like these are the only reason I still hope for good relationships and friendships 🙂

As a reaction to the intense stress and long crying jags, I resorted to an age-old coping mechanism: OCD organizing. Whenever I get stressed or overwhelmed, I turn to what I can control, and since I don’t starve myself anymore as a part of control, I organized.

I organized my entire semester’s worth of assignments, projects, presentations, papers, exams and homework and color coded it into my iGoogle calendar. It took me a while but it looks great and feels better to have everything clean and organized. I plan on updating it as needed but using it as a basis for my tasks this semester. I have an agenda that I use day to day for class assignments and stuff and then transfer the facts from that to the online calendar…but this just looks so good.

What do you do to cope with stress or emotions?

As I mentioned, I either organize everything in sight, or I get out the rubber gloves and scrubbing tools and clean everything in sight. Either way, I end up feeling tons better when I am done.

I do have one of those clogged, achey, discombobulated feelings where my head aches and feels stuffed with cotton balls from all of the crying. I think I will chug some SmartWater and eat my Healthy Choice French Bread Cheese Pizza for supper and watch Project Runway. Auf Wiedersein…

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