Sweat It Out

8 06 2009

I did not sleep well at all last night. I was worried that my alarm wasn’t set on my cell since I cannot check since the screen is broken on it from a mishap Saturday night and I don’t trust the alarm clock I have in my room…and it’s far away which means I would have to get up to turn it off rather than lay here holding the phone in my hand to turn it off. Stupid, I know, but that is how I wake up at 6:20 in the morning and don’t rip someone’s head off. There was also a thunderstorm in the middle of the night which kept me up since I am deathly afraid of t-storms and didn’t have Dolce, D or Mr. Tubbs here…I was burrowing under mounds of pillows and blankets in an attempt to get some sleep around 4:30 this morning…and I fell asleep to get rid of my Saturday night hangover yesterday afternoon, which resulted in me staying up past midnight…not the way to start off the week.

I got to work 7-11 today…had errors waiting for me from Friday…which did NOT improve my mood. I did my best, paid attention to everything and I am crossing my fingers that work went better.

When I got home I snacked on French Onion Sun Chips I picked up at Kwik Trip and some fat free cottage cheese. Then Chili Pepper and I dragged ourselves to the gym for 1.75 hours of pain. 24 minutes slogging on the treadmill (High Heart Rate 198!!!, Average 174), 6 agonizing minutes on the crosstrainer, 3-4 sets of 15 reps on hip abductors (the one that you push out and the one where you pull in with your legs) each and then 15 reps on the calf killer (as I refer to it) and I was too intimidated to do other machines so we went upstairs to do abs. I did 15 reps side crunches, 6 (10 second) planks, 4 sets of 15 pushups, then 1 last one of 10 because my arms gave out. I do modified girly pushups til I can do more than 100 and then I switch to boy pushups and start all over. I alternate abs and pushups so I don’t get bored. Then I stretched, we collected our gear and we walked home, which was another 8 minutes…so 16 minutes there and back total. Good workout.

I knew that my feet and knees would bother me and since that was my first workout in the gym in MONTHS (I’m fat), I was proud of myself…I pushed hard and got some work done. When I got home, I knew my feet would be tore up and alas…my left sock was soaked in blood again. I don’t know what is wrong with my feet since I have used these shoes in the past and they never made my feet bleed and now I have blisters on both feet and the left one is bleeding…ewww. Sorry if that is an overshare…I’m grossed out at myself. Back to do it tomorrow prob.

The hardest part about working out is getting out the door.

My hardest part of working out is fueling, listening to my body, knowing when to push, knowing what to do, not getting intimidated, not feeling fat or bad about myself because other girls there are thinner, in better shape or whatever…I am there, I am working hard, I am not sitting on my ass at home. I am strong and proud…or I will be when this is all said and done.

I got tired of bitching about the way I look and feel (tub-o-lard here) and the comment that a new friend said “It’s nice to finally meet an Asian who isn’t anorexic/bulimic” made me feel horrible…I am recovering from ED. I should spend time giving my body good foods, good exercise and better care…and stop beating myself up emotionally if I am not going to do something about it. I wanted to either change my body, get in the gym, get moving and work on it or stop whining about being fat. Here it is…me changing…trying to do this the healthy way…not the ED way, but a balance of good food, movement and healthier choices.

Being vegetarian is a good start but I need to eat fewer carbs (I like noodles) and eat more veggies, fruits and good lean proteins. I need more fiber, more water, more vitamins and minerals and to stop drinking so much whiskey. I need to make better choices to keep myself strong.

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