Just Call me Eeyore Today…

26 05 2009

I am a little disappointed with the last few days. I am going to be negative here and get it out because my psychic reading told me to indulge in meditation (when she expanded on this, she told me that it means walks and writing).

I am sore as hell. My back is still bothering me from the weekend, my legs are killing me from running up and down to the lake at the cabin (good workout, though) and now I did lunges yesterday so that hurts…my back is the biggest issue though because even the simplest tasks like picking something up off the floor, sitting in a chair, or driving have become excruciating. I am indulging in hot showers, lying on the heating pad, gentle stretching and when I am better, I am going to start more core building exercises.

The weather is grey. Sad.

D and I have been fighting because I feel no connection to him and have lost my patience with this relationship. I am nearing the end of my proverbial rope because I am tired of trying to keep us afloat when he thinks that all he has to contribute is a few minutes on the phone and a visit every now and then…where is the freaking romance? He should have stepped up his game when he made us do *another* bout of long distance, but instead he did less and less. I let him get away with it until I told him that he doesn’t make me feel special or loved or beautiful or cherished; he doesn’t ever buy me flowers or surprise me; he makes me feel bad about myself by sending me on guilt trips, never supporting me, constantly critizing me and always picking fights. I basically told him that this isn’t a game to me, that he is almost 25 and needs to grow up, get his priorities straight and stop blaming it all on me. I want to get married and I am almost done with school so he has no reason why he shouldn’t be contributing more towards us taking the next step. I said that if he wasn’t ready for this then he needs to get out of my life so I can find someone who will commit, be supportive and treat me the way I deserve. Things are up in the air, but if he doesn’t start to change, I am cutting my losses and getting out of this so I don’t spend another second wasted on him.

I am watching friends who have been dating their significant others a lot shorter than I have been with D get engaged and married for two years. I’m tired and fed up. I don’t even know if I want to marry him anymore. I am just sick of watching people who have been dating less than a year get a ring slipped on their finger when I have been with D for over four years and I am sitting here arguing with him because we are doing long distance. Really…changes need to happen or I am going to walk.

I got sent home from work again early. No work equals shorter hours for me. Luckily, I had only 1 error out of five hours of work on Friday so I was sitting pretty today. Let’s hope that tomorrow I wont have errors coming back from today. I just need to build some confidence again…I double question everything I do now since I have had errors and cannot remember what policy is.

My phone has a metal spin dial on the front (LG Chocolate in Red) and I am allergic to it. I have had allergies to cheap metals for years and it’s annoying to constantly battle it. Since I have basically had a relationship with my cell phone for the past year (long distance equals hours on the phone), I have broken out on my cheek where the metal touches my skin. I put ghetto white medical tape on the dial because I am tired of looking like I have leprosy because I have to talk on the phone all the time and now my cell looks super duper G H E T T O. I am eligible for a new phone in June and I am hoping I can afford a new one since this one likes to turn itself off, makes my face break out and is so scratched that the touch buttons barely work anymore. Grr…

People in my summer class are not contributing to post forums til the last minute…which annoys me. We’re supposed to post before noon on T and H about the books we read and then reply to someone else’s post before six those nights…except no one posts until the last second…get on it people. I am annoyed.

Off to look at a potential house for next year, class, clean the room, laundry, reading Slaughterhouse V for the sixth time it seems and then heat the back muscles.

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